Orange sky

I just went for a late night walk along Bay street (north because south is probably not the safest idea). Anyways it was beautiful the snow is falling and although it was freezing it was very calming and relaxing. I took along my ipod and eventually turned it off to enjoy the silence of a dead city in the middle of the night. I miss that silence. In BP its soo quiet at night except for some dogs. You can breath better too. Anyways, I totally forgot about the power of a long calming walk and I have decided this needs to happen more often. Its too bad I live in a climate that is absolutely insane right now. I wish it was warmer. Oh well, dont get upset about things you can't change right? Well I guess I could change it, by moving away. But thats never the answer. So, thought about a lot of things and I am completely content with all my recent decisions. Content and anxious to get started. January 12th is the day! Today an old friend of mine asked "so how's life J?" I saw him for a coffee and I havent see him for a good year or two. Its such a common question and one that usually really doesnt make a huge difference but the second he said it I was so anxious to answer. "bittersweet," I replied. Things are pretty good. To be honest there is a HUGE weight from the past that is now completely off my shoulders, which I am thankful for, surprised at, and which I wish happened years ago. I am happy. A few things could be different but ultimately the sweet outweighs the bitter. Its good to have a constantly clear head now too. Believe me giving up anything that clouds your conscious is something to be celebrated. I love it.
Anyways, today I went down to the NBC (hahah not the tv network) and renewed my contract, well signed intent to. so we'll see what happenes feb.1st I have enlisted the help of Al, the best trainer in the city for the next month and a bit. Wish me luck!
Shout out to N, I'm trying your concoction for lunch tomorrow! although i dont know how good spinach is going to be...

wishing everyone love =)

Bonjour!

Ive been doing these french lessons for a couple weeks now and i actually had a full out conversation in french with someone from montreal today and i thought id celebrate on this blog..who knows who reads this thing. hahaha so anyways im super proud of myself and rewarded with a hot chocolate! yums. so today was less than stellar as a made a quick getaway from a raptors game bc of a disgusting display that I just didnt want to witness as well i got to bed at maybe 5am and i woke up at like 8am to go to this stupid game. well to go to my 90 min yoga class, then to a quick breakfast with my uncle peter, and then go to the game haha. i was so ill by the time i got there and that whole thing just added to it. oh well good thing i have unlimited access to courtsides. jesus. took a beeline to the dance studio immediatly after to work off...disgustedness. thanks shawn b for the chats and the 3 hour dance sesh avec moi...he always brings the best tunes to just jam to randomly on a sunday lol so i must make a shout out to my fabulous choreographer and good friend shawn byfield. check out his website www.shawnbyfield.com he is amazing and i love him!
so anyways im pleased to announce that it IS possible to get over strep throat/scarlet fever...in LESS than two weeks slash a month like it took me last time. its called bed rest folks. i stayed in bed for a week and im good to go. i was so ill it was unbelievable! soooo i still havent had a candy cane yet...this is ridiculous. until then ill provide with something a little thrilling, maybe somewhat materialistic (dont judge me..) drum roll please...
here is my question im posing to all you blog readers. WHAT 20 things do u want for xmas. here is my list ( i am providing links for those who are lost):

1. and ipod dock thing to play music on and to set up wireless so it plays throughout my whole condo in all the rooms! (http://www.apple.com/ipod/accessories/)
2.the new christian laboutin gold privatita pumps (http://www.polyvore.com/christian_louboutin_privatita_platform_slingbacks/thing?id=1202856)
3. tiffany notes collection i love you bracelet for me and michelle (http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=GRP02280&mcat=148206&cid=471074&search_params=s+5-p+1-c+471074-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+)
4. a nice bottle of dom. romane conti red wine (http://www.thelifeofluxury.com/dom-romane-conti-1997-one-expensive-wine/)
5. the new gold coach leatherware bag for my yoga stuff (no link to this check the latest vogue!!)
6. the new agent provacateur Fifi, Love Cream, and Love Black collection lingerie (throw in a kate classic corset) (http://www.agentprovocateur.com/classics.php)
7. bottle of chanel limited edition black satin and gold fiction nail polish
8. an argyle crewneck sweater from the Gap (what? they are cute!) (www.thegap.com)
9. a pair of alexander mcqueen film noir black lace booties (maybe throw in a pair of ingelmo's brown leather platforms too) (see vogue can't find a link!)
10. louis vuitton paper bag waist denim micro mini (http://www.ilvoelv.com/2008/11/us-vogue-december-2008-glitterati.html)
11. a few treatments in a cryotherapy chamber (http://www.cryotherapychamber.co.uk/)
12. diane von furstenberg floral silk dress (see: neiman marcus)
13. new tom ford unisex aviators (http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/context_chooser.jsp)
14. Dior cocktail ring in coral or lapis (www.dior.com)
15. stella mccartney for adidas gym dance, gym yoga, and gym studio clothes (http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/stella08/content/fw08/?strCountry_adidascom=us&strBrand_adidascom=performance)
16. Tod's pine tree green python traveler bag (see: vogue)
17. a fresh new bottle of marc jacobs daisy perfume (http://www.daisymarcjacobs.com/us/main.php)
18. cashmere clement ribeiro sweater (see: vogue)
19. the new rock and republic swarovski jeans (http://rockandrepublic.com/#/home)
20. happiness, health, and love to my family and friends (http://designflute.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/radioactive-happiness-face.gif)

its a crazy list i know. id love to add a mercedes, a vacay to bora bora and an unlimited starbucks card, etc. but we can't be toooo greedy right ;) YAY FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

One girls Quest to get it Together

I haven't really been blogging too much lately and when I do I've semi neglected the whole reason I started in the first place aka to get it together. I have a large update for my non existent followers haha its so true. ummm i think its together now. for reals, it took me a while and I'd say this roller coaster ride is about 6 months deep but I think I finally made it. It began on May 11th, 2008. It should be said, that that day will NEVER leave me. BUT, it will be stored in a vault with the rest of my past that I'd like to forget but never should because its been a crazy learning experience. When I write that line I realize that for the past...I'd say 2 years I've been trying like crazy to fit in to something, to feel like I belonged somewhere finally after all the traveling and the craziness, to just feel normal and to be happy. So, maybe it hasn't been six months maybe its been longer however the climax of everything thats gone on in my life was on May 11th and I'm gonna let it stay there. As for belonging and feeling "normal" well really, what is normal? Everyone is so different in this world and everyone has their own stories. There is a song by Amanda Marshall, wow I think I've used one of her songs before in a blog lol but I think I only know these two by her anyways I'm not some die hard AM fan haha anyways I digress, so there is a song by her called Everybody's got a story that will break your heart. It's so true. You know, we all judge one another so fast and come to conclusions and gossip and treat each other badly or make one another insecure but in the end were all people and we all have our own shit to deal with. It makes me so sad that some people are so caught up in either themselves or in a world around themselves thats not real or not what they want it to be and so they act like complete careless idiots. Saying and doing things that are just ridiculous to make themselves feel better. I wish everyone would wake up and realize that were all in this together. You know? were all fighting everyday were all suffering were all sad or happy or mad or depressed or disappointed or ecstatic. Were all everything. So, I don't think I will ever feel less transient or like I "belong" or like I'm normal but it would be nice if the people around me, even the ones I don't know, would help make it a little easier for me to live in my world. Not so much to ask for right? Wrong. I've had to stop talking to good friends, friends that I have had for years, in order to achieve this. BUT, I am happy. It goes to show that it just takes a small effort. All it took for me were a few good decisions, ones that were hard and wore me down for months and weeks and to this day still weigh on me but the end justifies the means and things are getting better daily, well at this rate, hourly. Seriously folks, I'm looking out my window to my full downtown view in my amazing new place, getting ready to start graduate school in a month, landing great job contracts, and smiling to myself randomly while I walk down the street, I'm figuring out who cares about me and who doesn't, I'm getting rid of those who bring me down and supplying myself fully with those who bring me up, I am laughing and learning and living and loving and growing stronger everyday. Like I said, all it took were a few good decisions and I'm back in the game ;)
I hope that somebody out there somewhere who is down on themselves, not feeling great, lump in the throat, sick feeling in the gut, heart is pounding, eyes are watering, comes across my blog and just takes one thing from it, just one. PLEASE you know that decision you know you have to make in order to be happy but you just can't do it because your scared? It's like jumping off a cliff, your scared like shit to do it, everyone of your friends is in the water telling you to jump, yelling at you to jump, you know you have to do it but its just so hard to start and get those feet off the ground. When you do it, its smooth sailing right in to that cool water and you are born again a positive being and you will be so much better off. Gone are the days of lumps in the throat, eyes watering, hands shaking, sick to your stomach, anxiety, sleepless nights. Its gonna be hard, I wont lie, its SO hard. But thats life, no one ever said it was easy. Its a hell of a ride though, I'll tell you that much. Its a scary as shit hell of a ride and you got one person that you will count on forever, and thats yourself, so you better get used to it and fucking jump.

Dont think cuz im talkin were friends

Here is a quote from my favorite book that I am reading right now that I'd like to all share with you:

"Its so funny that my best friends ex roommate from Otown, who she was nice enough to let live with her because they worked at the same clothing store, happens to be this psycho horseface who won't leave me alone. It's also hilarious that this same horseface was a stripper in Otown and actually after my best friend left the appartment they shared for bigger and better things, her landlord called her parents and told her that her sketched out roommate was turning tricks day and night lol i guess to pay the rent? what a small world. so horseface, YOU need to get it together. Also, lose the dirty brozer and invest some of your hooker cash towards some good make up, cuz pharma plus aint cuttin it for your situation you have going on over there anymore!!!!"

WOW this book is so funny i love it i can't wait to see what happens in the end! Have a great weekend ya'll!