One girls Quest to get it Together

I haven't really been blogging too much lately and when I do I've semi neglected the whole reason I started in the first place aka to get it together. I have a large update for my non existent followers haha its so true. ummm i think its together now. for reals, it took me a while and I'd say this roller coaster ride is about 6 months deep but I think I finally made it. It began on May 11th, 2008. It should be said, that that day will NEVER leave me. BUT, it will be stored in a vault with the rest of my past that I'd like to forget but never should because its been a crazy learning experience. When I write that line I realize that for the past...I'd say 2 years I've been trying like crazy to fit in to something, to feel like I belonged somewhere finally after all the traveling and the craziness, to just feel normal and to be happy. So, maybe it hasn't been six months maybe its been longer however the climax of everything thats gone on in my life was on May 11th and I'm gonna let it stay there. As for belonging and feeling "normal" well really, what is normal? Everyone is so different in this world and everyone has their own stories. There is a song by Amanda Marshall, wow I think I've used one of her songs before in a blog lol but I think I only know these two by her anyways I'm not some die hard AM fan haha anyways I digress, so there is a song by her called Everybody's got a story that will break your heart. It's so true. You know, we all judge one another so fast and come to conclusions and gossip and treat each other badly or make one another insecure but in the end were all people and we all have our own shit to deal with. It makes me so sad that some people are so caught up in either themselves or in a world around themselves thats not real or not what they want it to be and so they act like complete careless idiots. Saying and doing things that are just ridiculous to make themselves feel better. I wish everyone would wake up and realize that were all in this together. You know? were all fighting everyday were all suffering were all sad or happy or mad or depressed or disappointed or ecstatic. Were all everything. So, I don't think I will ever feel less transient or like I "belong" or like I'm normal but it would be nice if the people around me, even the ones I don't know, would help make it a little easier for me to live in my world. Not so much to ask for right? Wrong. I've had to stop talking to good friends, friends that I have had for years, in order to achieve this. BUT, I am happy. It goes to show that it just takes a small effort. All it took for me were a few good decisions, ones that were hard and wore me down for months and weeks and to this day still weigh on me but the end justifies the means and things are getting better daily, well at this rate, hourly. Seriously folks, I'm looking out my window to my full downtown view in my amazing new place, getting ready to start graduate school in a month, landing great job contracts, and smiling to myself randomly while I walk down the street, I'm figuring out who cares about me and who doesn't, I'm getting rid of those who bring me down and supplying myself fully with those who bring me up, I am laughing and learning and living and loving and growing stronger everyday. Like I said, all it took were a few good decisions and I'm back in the game ;)
I hope that somebody out there somewhere who is down on themselves, not feeling great, lump in the throat, sick feeling in the gut, heart is pounding, eyes are watering, comes across my blog and just takes one thing from it, just one. PLEASE you know that decision you know you have to make in order to be happy but you just can't do it because your scared? It's like jumping off a cliff, your scared like shit to do it, everyone of your friends is in the water telling you to jump, yelling at you to jump, you know you have to do it but its just so hard to start and get those feet off the ground. When you do it, its smooth sailing right in to that cool water and you are born again a positive being and you will be so much better off. Gone are the days of lumps in the throat, eyes watering, hands shaking, sick to your stomach, anxiety, sleepless nights. Its gonna be hard, I wont lie, its SO hard. But thats life, no one ever said it was easy. Its a hell of a ride though, I'll tell you that much. Its a scary as shit hell of a ride and you got one person that you will count on forever, and thats yourself, so you better get used to it and fucking jump.